Grow Together Or Grow Apart | Holistic Bliss Magazine

Published November 2019, Holistic Bliss Magazine

Grow Together Or Grow Apart

In my quest to understand love relationships on a deep level, I looked further than human expectations and religious indoctrination. What I discovered may be hard to accept, yet may invoke a sigh of relief. Here are some of my key discoveries.

Romantic notions of relationships can be blown out of proportion with unrealistic expectations and an idealistic perspective of what they are supposed to be like.

We never end up in a relationship for too long, too short, with the wrong person or at the wrong time.

There is no accident or randomness about who we end up in a relationship with.

Love relationships are for the two people involved, they come together to play out their pre-destined roles. Interference from family and friends may simply alienate us from them. Sometimes there can also be a big disconnect between friendships and relationships. Think about a close dear friend or family member being negative about your romantic interest. The compulsion to work with your lover will override their opinions as you navigate the greater reason for being together. 

Relationships have purpose.

They are tools for growth. One of the most important things we get out of relationships is personal growth, a better, deeper, richer understanding of just exactly who we are, what makes us tick, what ticks us off, what we like, what we don’t like, what we need and don’t need.  Relationships form a guideline to becoming the best, most complete version of ourselves we can be. All this transpires when we see our reflection back in the eyes of someone with whom we are having a relationship. It can take a while.

Relationships are amazing at challenging ourselves.

In fact, some of the most important, powerful and necessary relationships we have are precisely those that challenge us –in the right way! Our lover might challenge us, they can build or destroy our self-worth. The reality is relationships challenge us, partly because we are inclined to compromise, by altering our innate ways to fit into a relationship without making waves or feeling disliked.

When either party in the relationship lashes out, it is unknowingly driven by a deep seated unrealised emotional need or fear.

At some point we have to stop blaming past relationships or pointing the finger at our partner as being the cause or reason why things aren’t the way we would like them to be.

There is great value in seeing things from the other person’s perspective.

The ultimate consciousness, is to know yourself. Self work makes relationships work.


Toni Reilly is a best-selling author, seminar leader and internationally recognised Regression Facilitator.  As the founder of Toni Reilly Institute, she created SoulLife® Programs and Events, guiding thousands of people worldwide to live with confidence, purpose and love.


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